It Came From the Swamp

Today is a glass half-full and half-empty kind of day at The Toby Dome. It’s a glass half-full day for my wife and kids because my mother-in-law is coming to stay for the weekend. It’s a glass half-empty day for me because my mother-in-law is coming to stay for the weekend! The wife and kids enjoy the old lady’s Grandma’s visits for obvious reasons. My wife likes it because she doesn’t get to see her mother very often and when the MIL visits us, the two of them go shopping and practically bankrupt me find lots of goodies for the house and stuff. The kids love it when Grandma invades my home and breathes my air stops in because she always has a little gift for them. And by “little gift” I mean something like the siren of a police car. You Grand parents out there understand what I’m saying. Give them kid something that makes noise like a Pantera concert and send them home with it, or in this case, Grandma has a four hour drive back home and gets to laugh at all the “fun” the kids are having while Dad (me) gives the kids an education in how to cuss in English and Spanish! Meanwhile, I try to stay positive during all the ruckus by thinking good thoughts. Thoughts like: my wife is an only child and someday not soon enough, she gets to choose Grandma’s nursing home while I sympathetically help her do so. I have the phone number to “Satan’s Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth Assisted Living Center” on speed dial. It all evens out in the end.

The point of all this time wasting crap award-winning literary screed is this: I’m not sure how much posting I’m gonna do this weekend, since the old battleaxe dear, sweet (you have no idea how hard it was to type those two words) mother-in-law brings joy and love to my wife and kids and I keep my finger on the “speed dial” button. it may not be so bad, though, because I have a big ass TV upstairs and the Rangers and Yankees kick off the American League Championship Series tonight at 8:07 EDT. You also have no idea how weird it is to write the words “Rangers” and “Championship Series” in the same sentence. Combine that (Rangers & ALCS) and the MIL’s visit and I may start drinking again. Heavily.

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